My fear of running out

You would think I would have saved a million dollars by now.  Because I have this noticeable fear of running out.

When I go grab something from the refrigerator, I often hesitate because I think, I should save that for….

Then a week goes by and I see it that something wilting, browning, even molding.  I end up throwing it out.

Or I make a delicious hot cup of tea that  just gets sipped on a few times because I don’t want to finish it. If I finish it, I’ll have to go through the whole process of making more. If I make more, I might run out and not have any when I want some next week. So my one cup of tea gets sipped. Then the tea sits. It gets cold. And gets wasted instead of savored.

I save food for a rainy day. When I can leisurely prepare, savor and enjoy. But that day never comes. And it’s wasted.

I procrastinate. Wait and wait for the right time…I wait so long that the moment passes before I even notice…

I end up wasting what I was trying to save.

(This rarely happens with sugary treats, mind you, though I’ve been known to leave the last cookie on the plate until it was too hard to consume…well, almost too hard. I ate it anyway.)

Where does this fear come from? I don’t know.  Do I think God is going to take a vacation and quit providing? On the other hand, I don’t want to ignore the fact that things I enjoy can and do run out.  Things like clean water.

Where is the balance between overindulging, overconsuming  and being wasteful and faithless?

 

  • Dorla Aparicio

    Very interesting. Is that a picture of moldy food?

  • Anonymous

    The picture is one I had on my computer, of some coffee and a cookie that I was planning to enjoy one night when Maxton had gone to bed (this was a couple of years ago in California). I waited for the perfect moment, took the picture and fell asleep shortly after….never ate it. It was sitting there the next morning.